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PEORIA – When George Terrazas committed suicide last year, a few weeks shy of his 19th birthday, he left behind a blue Mead notebook describing his feelings of desperation in his final days. On Monday, the Naperville teen's exact words were shared with more than 400 high school students from around the state as part of the Illinois Drug Education Alliance conference at the Peoria Civic Center.
In a vividly detailed skit, George - played by actor Sam Renzetti of the Chicago-based MWAH! Performing Arts Troupe - poured his emotions onto paper before walking into the next room to kill himself.
It was the story of a onetime track star who started using drugs and dropped out of school. When he tried to turn his life around and went back to school, George found himself ineligible for track and overlooked by an old girlfriend he prized.
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It's amazing how there can be no one who understands and cares," George wrote. "I just want someone to hold me and tell me that they love me . . . that they're proud of me.
"All I want is another shot at my life. Just one. No magic. Nothing special. I want to grow up making the right decisions."
At one point, teary-eyed teens heard the words George left specifically for his mother that he loved her and would like her to help his friends with their problems. He also requested specific songs and clothes for his burial.
"I know I'll miss some people in death . . . but who knows what to expect. Maybe I just start again and do it right.
"I just want to sleep and not worry. I'm pretty sure I'll use a pistol. I just want the pain to go away . . . It's just check-out time," he wrote.
The scene ended with the jarring blast of a gunshot from the next room.
The realistic depiction is something most school administrators don't welcome into their high school gyms, said Ray Moffitt, MWAH! producer.
"A lot of schools are really touchy about this. But it needs to be talked about," he said.
Students on Monday - most of them visibly shaken by the performance - said the skit allowed them to walk away with a new understanding that will last.
"To know that if you can give someone one hug it could change their whole life" was what moved Sara Kase, a sophomore at Stevenson High School in Lincolnshire.
Just saying those words brought new tears to Kase's eyes and she clutched classmate Kelly Hardy for support.
"I could relate to everything he was going through up there," Hardy said of the firstperson format. "Nobody realizes how prevalent (suicide) is. It's scary."
Bringing awareness was the goal of George's mother, Leticia Stark, who pleaded with students not to choose suicide.
"George had a lot of people who loved him. He just didn't see it because of his depression. We had no idea. He covered everything up.
"Suicide should never be an option," Stark said. "I know all of you have problems in life. There's always someone who cares, even if you don't think so. Please talk to someone. Seek help."
As many as 15 to 20 percent of the students at Monday's presentation may have contemplated suicide themselves at some point, said Sherry Bryant with Suicide Prevention Services, based in Batavia.
For teens, suicide is the second leading cause of death, she said, accounting for 32,000 deaths in the United States each year.
Teens themselves are the best ones to help reduce that number, said Bryant, whose son, Todd, committed suicide shortly after graduating from Bradley University in 1993.
"Someone right next to you right now may need a hug. You're the one that knows that," she said. "You are the ones who know when your friends are at risk.
"Your friends come to you. They don't come to (adults). They don't trust us. They don't think we understand."
Bryant encouraged discussion about suicide to help bring a sense of relief to someone that's depressed and build connections with loved ones.
For those on the listening end: "All you need to do is to be a caring person."
CAPTION: A program on teen-age depression and suicide at the Civic Center on Monday morning brings 15-year-old Karen Hepperle, left, to tears. She is comforted by Alana Carlsen, 17, center. Both girls attend Lake park High School in Roselle. The program featured journal entries made by 18-year-old George Terrazas of Naperville shortly before he shot himself to death in January 1999. The program hit expecially close to home for Hepperle: Her 17-year-old boyfriend took his life in March.
CAPTION: Leticia Stark speaks about her son, George Terrazas, during a suicide prevention program called "We Will Remember You" at the Civic Center on Monday morning.
Copyright (c) 2000 Journal Star
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